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THIS is happening too soon...

Updated: Sep 15, 2022

Not a great beginning to an award winning blog site, but after 60, you take whatever adventures come your way, and not all are good.

A message I didn't think I would ever see.

“Dear Bob, the results of your FIT test are in, and it is positive. You will be recieving further instructions from the Cancer Clinic on the next proceedings, you should probably talk to your Doctor”

I received this in the mail, about 3 weeks ago, and of course right away, I panicked... "Your test showed positive signs of blood in your stool," I took to mean... "You are dieing of Cancer"

the joys of your first colonoscopy

Ok so after the panic wore off, (it took a week or soul searching) I set up my appointments with a Nurse, and one with my Doctor. They take this stuff pretty seriously, but the lack of information makes your mind do all kinds of things. So how did I deal with it...

  1. keep an open mind - get the real facts, don't let your mind make stuff up.

  2. talk to medical professional - I felt better after talking to the nurse, and then my doctor, as it turns out, I am what they call low risk, and this test is considered pre-cancer treatment.

  3. talk to friends - this is not the end of the world, you will find that many people have had this, and they are still alive, or battling something.

  4. start thinking about a healthier lifestyle - don't put this off, be glad that a small problem was found now, not a big one later. People live for years with all kinds of Cancer, and many other ailments, sorry but your not gonna live forever, so live now. Who knows how much time you have.

So I am writing this at the start of my Colonoscopy experience, so maybe others can benefit.

Step One

No seeds or nuts - Well this is hard to do, as I love seeds nuts and whole grain, but its got to be done. Plain bread, potatoes, eggs but no cereal or whole wheat is killing me. Okay not so bad...

Step Two

No food just liquids - Its now the day before, and I am stocked up on Jello, Gatorade, Pop, Chicken stock, and a big jug of something called CoLyte. it started off ok, I don't feel hungry, but started feeling a little light headed on the way to store to pick stuff up. ( ya, do this a couple days before doomcuf) But how much am I suppose to drink? Who knows... but I think my body will let me know, if I feel weak or hungry, I think its ok to down a glass, sip my Gatorade, or suck on a few cubes of Jell-O. At 3:00 I am suppose to down my first dose of CoLyte, and what is that? Its Drano for the poop chute... stay by the can cause the dam is about to break... How do you get this stuff? Well i thought it would be on the shelf, but not to be, its behind the Pharmacist counter, so you need to talk to the Pharmacist, but that's probably a good think, they can tell you how to use it. But with the plastic barrier I almost had to yell "I am looking for CoLyte..." I think everyone heard me as he lady behind remarked, "Get the pineapple flavored, its my favorite" like this was her normal go to for this stuff, and its then that I realized, I am not the only one to have to go thru this...

No food, and its really rough for me, I need my carbs, and proteins. 12:30 and I feel light headed, and there is tingling in my fingers and left hand. Gatorade and 7up don't appear to be keeping my electrolytes up, but the good news, I'm not hungry. But I really want to do well with this, its a goal that I want to concentrate on. I have a lot more life to live, and things to do. The net bombards you will ill fated stories, suicide, drug addiction, the Hemmingway's, oh my god, what a dysfunctional bunch. But I love life, always have, and have a deep respect for the body that god gives us. Even today a post in a friends Facebook about a mom dealing with the next level of cancer... I am maybe at stage one, or stage 0, I won't know until tomorrow. But at least I will know. Yes it scare's the shit out of me, but there is really not much I can do about it. This blog is suppose to be uplifting, and full of adventure... so we are not going to dwell on it, are we. We all go thru shit, doesn't mean we cant live a great life. Now to down the CoLyte...

Step Three

Peeing out your asshole - 1 - 3 hours to get your motor running, try 5 minutes. Could not choke the swill down fast enough and Niagara Falls started. No point in moving it was one after another. 2 hours later and a major fumigation of the room to the tune of "everything going ok in there ?" "oh ya, think I might like to invite a friend over to try this" And then trying to down some more 7-up... nope, it was like a straight tube from my lips to my arse, replacing my entire digestive system, and except for a little yellow discoloration from bile, it clearly was not staying in my system, but this was the whole purpose of the CoLyte. Did the pineapple flavor help? not one bit, but cooling in the fridge was a good idea. And the next morning, did it all over again, the second 1/2 of the one gallon jug, down the hatch. My only worry is the ebb and flow, especially the flow, would not stop before my date with the spaghetti noodle sodomizer, but it did.

Step Four

Up up and away - I decided to be brave, or stupid, which can be mistaken for brave, and go sans intravenous margarita mix. Stone cold sober, what the heck, the sooner I get it over and out of here the better, so no happy juice for me. Might have been a big mistake but I was glad, and gonna tell you why. Felt like a squirrel trying to crawl up my ass, but no pain, no cramping nothing really. And at first I couldn't look, but when I did, it was like a pink fuzzy pillow turned inside out, and off they went... I closed my eyes and listened for any concerning groans, as time went by, I was feeling more confident, no news is good news. So then I chanced to look up... and that's when I saw it...

A giant pink cauliflower growing out the side, with just a slight discoloration on the top.... is that ? Yes... says the Dudgeon Master... that is a Polyp. And he proceeds to remove it. A little snare wrapped around the base, and pulled tight. Didn't feel a thing. A small amount of blood and it was gone. I actually felt sorry for it, and named it Bob. The Doctor finished up the tour, and was done, "That's it, one and only one, and its Benign" "For sure?" I said thinking no it has to go to the lab now, "for sure he says, no discoloration, just an inflammation on the top, which is what showed up in the FIT test. And then I got to see my baby... its was the size of a pepper seed, not the giant growth seen in the spaghetti camera up my yahoo... I never asked how big it was, I can tell my own fishing story later, and make it any size I want, but it was tiny. Seeing it, gave me relief, I will always remember what it looked like in my mind. It was just as pink as the side wall, so I know it wasn't malignant. And I wasn't worried.

Step Five

Relief - yes it was difficult, yes I was scared, but now I know. That is the best relief of all. I don't have Cancer. You have never seen a happier man at that moment. I thanked the kind nurses profusely and walked out a free man. I'm not sure how I would have felt if it had been malignant? But for now, I will just live with the fact, a FIT test, probably saved my life. Benign Polyps can turn cancerous in about 10 years, its a low percentage but it happens. But not to me...

Step Six

The Aftermath - So now, I am told, I will need a follow up colonoscopy in 5 years, and most likely I will do a FIT test once a year as its easy to do. You literally make a poopsicle and give it to the lab. And then they play with it... sounds like fun to me. And what else? A complete change of diet, which I will document later, exercise, and a reduction of weight. (I lost almost 4 lbs in the last week, not a lot of calories in 7-UP) And most of all, my attitude to life and the pursuit of happiness has completely changed.

On to my next project... thanks for listening please feel free to add your comments.

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